Si tan sólo supiera que ya me arrepentí…
Recuerdo su imagen vaga en un traje como de astronauta, los guantes, la bata blanca, la mascarilla que parecía traslucir una sonrisa de compasión, el gorrito verde y las antiparras. Toda una indumentaria para una ocasión especial.
Si tan sólo supiera que cuando desperté y me vi amarrado a mi catre clínico, entubado hasta las entrañas y conectado a innumerables máquinas sonoras y titilantes recordé la promesa que le había hecho jurar que cumpliría… Pero ya no podía hablar para decírselo, no podía.
A medida que fue pasando el tiempo terriblemente eterno en una UCI Cardiaca me fui resignando a los baños de esponja, a no poder tragar, a las aspiraciones de secreciones de los tubos que provocan arcadas, a las noches sin sueños por las alarmas de la maquinaria clínica y por los controles de temperatura y presión cada hora. Todo eso he soportado y, como digo, ya me he resignado, lo tomo como parte de mi rutina…
Quisiera que me desataran las manos, que me dieran un papel y un lápiz para expresarle de alguna forma que ya no es necesario, que ya no necesito de ese tipo de lealtad incondicional.
Se acerca con los ojos vidriosos por la emoción ¡Aléjate! ¡Déjame solo! ¡No, por favor! Ya lo hizo, sabe que irá a la cárcel, pero no le importa, después de todo yo mismo le pedí que me ayudara a bien morir.
If only she knew that I regret... I clearly remember her figure in an austronaut like costume, the gloves, the white clother, the face mask that seemed to let me see a pitty smile, the green hat and the glasses. A hole clothing for a special occasion. If she only knew that when I woke up and I found my self tied to bed, with a tube in my mouth to my stomach and connected to an infinite number of loud and sparkling machines I remembered the promess I made her sware she keep... But I couldn't tald to tell her, I couldn't. As time went by slowly in a Cardiac Intensive Care Unit I resigned myself to the clothes baths, not being able to swallow, the process of vaccum the tubes in my throat that made me sick, night without dreams because of the alarms of the clinic devices and periodical controls of temperature and blood pressure every hour. I have stood all of those things and, as I said, I already resigned myself, I consider it as part of my routine... I'd like to have my hands untied, that someone gave me a pencil and a piece of paper to express her someway that it is not necessary anymore, that I don't need that kind of inconditional loyalty. She gets closer and her eyes are glassy because of the emotion. Go away! Leave me alone! No, please! She already did it, she knows she will go to jail, but she doesn't care, after all it was me who asked her to help me to die with dignity.
2001
Friday, September 08, 2006
Friday, August 04, 2006
Maldición - Escrito 2
Maldita dependencia
Maldita intoxicación
Maldita infelicidad
Maldita vida
Bloody dependence
Bloody intoxication
Bloody unhappiness
Bloody life
1997
Maldita intoxicación
Maldita infelicidad
Maldita vida
Bloody dependence
Bloody intoxication
Bloody unhappiness
Bloody life
1997
Thursday, June 01, 2006
El Dibujo - escrito 1
hoy un hombre dibujaba en la micro del lado, yo lo miré con insistencia, él no me vio.
me bajé y lo detuve para preguntarle qué dibujaba, desconfiado, no me contestó.
insití y abrió su block: era yo...
today a man was drawing on the bus next to the one I was inside, I stared at him, but he didn't see me.
I descended and stopped him to ask him what was his drawing about, distrustfuly he didn't answer.
I insisted and he opened his block: it was me...
2006
me bajé y lo detuve para preguntarle qué dibujaba, desconfiado, no me contestó.
insití y abrió su block: era yo...
today a man was drawing on the bus next to the one I was inside, I stared at him, but he didn't see me.
I descended and stopped him to ask him what was his drawing about, distrustfuly he didn't answer.
I insisted and he opened his block: it was me...
2006
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